the ledge..

From the time I was 8 I had wanted to be a missionary in Africa. I had it all planned out and I recently found the maps and life plan I drawn up at the age of 12.
Fear held me back and I never actually went. Life plans changed and I got married young. We had talked about going on a missions trip for 6 months, my husband said he would put the career on hold for a bit. He was offered a great job shortly after we were married, one we couldn't pass up. So we settled into life. I don't regret getting married, I have (had) a wonderful, amazing husband and a beautiful son....a great life. Perhaps there was part of me that secrelty longed for more adventure. I was learning to be content with where I was, to appreciate the life I had.
One night last spring I was walking home from the corner store to our new house, I knew my husband and son were there and my sister and her kids all waiting in the backyard. As I made my way up the driveway I breathed in the fresh beautiful spring air and thought to myself "I love my life" it was a real, honest moment. It was followed by the thought "whoever loves his life shall lose it..."
It was mere hours later that my world was rocked....

It's been a rollercoaster the last 10 months. Learning to adjust, have faith, yet let go all at the same time. I made the desicion to buy an apartment, my first major desicion to make on my own in 7 1/2 yrs. I felt good about it, was happy with it. Then....the fire.

Sushi once wrote about God not letting her stay on the plateau...that's definetly how I'm feeling right now. However a nice stable ledge halfway up might not be so bad..??..

So, another new plan. No apartment, no soaker tub. Instead a cute rustic cabin in the country (we all know I'm a country girl at heart). I think I'll get settled and spend some time with me and God, then move on to the next adventure.