mediocrity

I'm not scared to fail.
I've done it before.
It's not so bad.

I've heard it said that it's not so much that we are scared to fail, we are scared to succeed.
I have no problem with success.
It wouldn't be so bad.

I'm scared of mediocrity.
Being average. Middle of the road. Just good.
That would be bad.

I have dreams....big dreams.....dreams that seem that they will burst right through my chest if I don't contain them. Ideas and visions and plans. But.......

Before I even picked up my first real camera I had visions of what I wanted to produce. I finally held the camera in my hands and it was as though I was finally given a medium with which to express and capture moments, ideas, color, light. I have yet to make the big step of letting it be my life, because I feel the results have been average, ordinary, good...but not great. It's hard to pursue something when you know you won't fail, but you won't soar either.

I want to go to photography school or film school, I want to let the creativity pour through me. I want freedom to express and produce.....but am scared of the mediocre results.

Failure I can deal with.
Success would be amazing.
Mediocrity, I don't want....