'Welcome to the real world', she said to me
Condescendingly
'Take a seat, take your life
Plot it out in black and white'
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding up my sleeve
They love to tell you "stay inside the lines"
But something's better
On the other side......
I quickly read Scott's blog about expecations and began to think of how that word has played a role in my life. I had some unrealistic expectations of my husband and my marriage, right to the bitter end. I'm not sure I fully knew who he was and pretty sure I wasn't very accepting of that real, raw, human, man I married. In all fairness, he never accepted me either.
I always felt that I had to live up to some standard, some ideal, something that pushed me farther away from being my genuine self.
So the good boys and girls take
I recently went to the Toyota dealership to take back the SUV I couldn't afford. I explained my situation to the salesman, who immediately told me he could get me into an affordable, 4 door silver corolla, he then priced it out for me and we (he) decided that would be a great option.
Am I capable of making my own decision? Or do I blindly follow what is expected of me, simply nodding and going ahead, b/c everyone else knows what is best for me?
I went back a week later to make the deal on the corolla I hated, the salesman was busy, so I wandered around with my Dad and lingered by the Matrix. I hated the thought of being stuffed into the awful 4 door family nightmare against my will. My Dad said "why don't you get the Matrix?" Why don't I get the Matrix???? It hadn't occured to me, the salesman hadn't given me the choice, could I really just walk in and buy the car I actually want??
Apparently.
So I did.
I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungsI just found out there's no such thing
as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above
I definetly had different expectations for my life, I didn't expect to be 27 on the edge of divorce, living in a garage, working part time in retail. Is this real life? Pretty real.
They love to tell you
Perhaps if I had spent less time worrying what others thought..... of me, my husband, my life, my choices, I would have been able to focus on the important things.... me, my husband, my life, my choices.
I just can't wait til my 10 year reunion
I have my 10 year reunion in a week.
Friends keep asking me what I am going to wear.
Probably jeans.
6 comments:
if i was an english teacher, i'd give you an A for that piece of writing...!
The best I've read in a long time. Love your honesty, and honestly love you. The real you, the one that was always there but was hidden behind the expectations. I am all for the jeans btw.
Carolyn, you have a beautiful spirit. You also have a gift for writing. Ever considered that?
Anyways, that is probably one of the best written, most honest, vulnerable and real things I have read in a long, long time. Thank you for sharing with us.
Love ya, girl.
wow Carolyn. What an awesome post. YOu do write very well. Thank you for sharing with us. Very honest, I wish I could do that. Jeans - that would be cool. I bet you would be the most uniquely dressed there. I love your car. Love you. I have always admired the honesty that I recieved from you. To the point. Thanks.
Wow Carolyn, I'm moved my your honesty and shocked at how deep it affected me. I have been trying to come to terms lately that my life is not going to be as I always imagined it would be, or is how others imagined it would be?? I always thought that when I was a "real" grown-up I'd have accomplished and have certain things in place in my life, but maybe this is more real than whats been placed in my head. Something to think about. Thanks for the thoughts.
I have to agree with all of the other comments - well written, and I really enjoyed reading it.
Reunions can be just like high school: everyone comparing each other, talking about each other, and fighting for popularity. I say wear jeans, be proud of the real you, and just be you.
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