Just Christmas

I have opted not to go into the crawl space. I have also opted not to bribe or guilt anyone into going into the crawlspace for me.
I think I want a quiet, subdued Christmas. Before anyone jumps on my back let me just state that I am not depressed, I am not dreading Christmas, I'm not sad or lonely or apathetic (maybe just pathetic). I just don't think I want all the fuss this year. I'm pretty happy with my one string of lights and the wreath on the door. I am also thinking of cutting down a live tree. (no, I haven't lost my mind). Think about how fun a memory that will be for Andrew, remembering the year mom went out and chopped down a tree! Not a big one, just a little 4 1/2 footer. And I'll get Andrew to make the decorations. It will probably be the craziest little tree, but it will be ours. I think that might be all I need this year. No tinsel, no extra lights, or dicken's villages.....just Christmas. Sweet Christmas.

cari on a cold wet roof

I haven't yet worked up the courage to go into the crawl space and retrieve my christmas decorations. It's dark down there, and there are spiders. I remember after my husband put them away last year he came back up with cobwebs all over his back and in his hair. It wasn't pretty, and I'm not sure I'm ready to go there yet.
So I decided instead to tackle the christmas lights. I come from an anxiety ridden family, so I was given clear instructions that if I was going to go on the roof I needed to call someone to let them know. That way if I fell off someone would know to come looking. I've been working so much that the fear was if I fell of the roof and no one heard from me in two days they would all just say "she must be working".
I called Liz at 8:30 this morning to tell her I was going up, she said she would come by in an hour if she hadn't heard from me. I grabbed the ladder and out I went. Going up a ladder is not a big deal for me, going down is another story. When I was young I had to be rescued more than once from Jenn's treehouse because I would find myself suddenly paralyzed with fear at the thought of going down the ladder. And in Costa rica I had no trouble zipping through the rain forest on a cable, but that 5 foot ladder between platform had me shaking with fear.
So up I went, spied on the neighbours a bit, and set to work. No problem.
Then it was time to go down, I stood there staring at the ladder, somewhat freaked out. Please note that I live in a rancher and I was maybe 8ft off the ground. Pretty stupid. I sucked it up and down I went. But I can't help but wonder, did I have a ladder incident when I was young that I'm not remembering.??
Next challenge.....the crawl space. Then again...do we really need a christmas tree this year??

he provides, I complain

I went into work this morning to pick up my schedule for the next 2 weeks. I grumbled as I looked it over. I am working 14 out of the next 16 days. Andrew had wanted to go on play dates, there were friends I wanted to visit, decorations to put up, cookies to bake (oh, who I am kidding, cookies to buy). Instead I am going to spend my christmas season pretending to care if customers want matte or glossy finish on their prints. With a fake smile plastered on my face and using my customer service voice which in no way resembles my just woke up don't mess with me voice.
After bitching and complaining (I just swore on my blog, is that allowed? it's my blog so who cares!) I got out the calculator and punched in a few numbers. Maybe working so much isn't so bad..... I was begining to stress about how to pay for christmas presents and christmas parties etc. but it doesn't look so bad now.
God's probably so frustrated with me...here he is giving more than I expected and I complain about not getting to sleep in.

life is like a box of chocolates

exactly 12hrs left of being 26. Not sure why turning 27 is such a big deal .... maybe I'm just mature for my age, so it's really like I'm turning 30. (how can you argue with logic like that?)

exactly 7 yrs ago today my husband proposed. If we only knew then....
A co-worker of mine who turned 19 three weeks ago got married on Sat. It's hard to feel excited for her. I find it interesting that we all put on happy faces and say "Congratulations", "I'm so happy for you" etc. etc. when all of us married people know the realities of marriage, but no one wants to share them, we wouldn't want to rain on their parade. Let's get real, marriage isn't easy.... anyone who tells you it is, is lying to themselves or to you. That's not say marriage can't be wonderful, but really 60yrs with the same person, at some point one or both of you is going to want to bail. No one tells you you won't always be in love, no one tells you you won't always be best friends. Maybe it's time to start sharing that information...

I hope I don't sound too cynical .... I don't know that I really am. I just know that life can't be neatly wrapped up in a ring box. A chocolate box... maybe.

the smell of christmas

As I stepped out of the shower this morning, I was met with an overpowering smell, sweet, yet earthy. It reminded me of Christmas. It took me a minute to recognize it.
I looked out the window and saw Mario pruning the cedar hedges. The smell of fresh cut cedar was invading the house.

Mario's the gardener (okay, really he's just hired to prune the hedges, as independant as I want to be, I'm not ready to stand on a ladder with a chainsaw.) Mario wants to do something artsy with my spruce tree in the front yard, make it into a topiary or something....I politley passed.

I love Christmas, the smell of shortbread and christmas oranges, and christmas trees. It's tempting to run outside and scoop up the clipping just to fill the house with that wonderful scent!

girl party

okay, so we are having a Mary Kay party for my birthday on Thursday. I know what you are thinking....mary kay??? But really, it is very casual and Kim will be teaching us about eye makeup I think....and there will be cake.
It's on Thursday the 25th 7:30 at Kim's (I'll get the address and directions later). Just come out and have fun, eat cake, don't worry about buying anything, just think of it as a birthday party for a girl who has had a hard time the last few months and deserves a little fun (do you like how I pulled the guilt card there? pretty clever, eh? how can you say no now?)

this one's for the girls....

I have 6 friends from highschool that I still keep in touch with on a regular basis. Years ago someone close to me told me it wouldn't last, we'd lose touch, that's what happens when you grow up. I am so proud of us that we have so far defied the odds....we have been through so much together, family illness, graduations, boyfriends, 5 marriages, 6 births, new jobs, first homes, loss of loved ones, seperation.... the list goes on.
what I find amazing is that we are 7 completely different people, with 7 completely different opinions, and yet we find comfort in each other. We have discovered that maybe we have more in common than we thought.
Thank you girls for your strength, wisdom, patience and love.

I am so blessed to have such wonderful women in my life!

countdown...

5 days till to go before I hit the big 2 7. I know, I shouldn't be complaining, I still get IDed occassionally. It's just that much closer to 30!
(I should put some kind of disclaimer on this blog as I know I may be recieving some hate mail, especially from my dear friend Taneane who is almost 2yrs older and will be hitting 30 long before me - she's already annoyed that I'm only 27.)

When I was 12 my best friend and I made a pact to meet Dec.31 1999 at 3:00 at Sevenoaks mall. We figured we'd be 22, and have lost touch and we would be able to catch up and share all the exciting stories of what we had done with our lives. I'd drop everything and come home from Africa and we would meet, even if Sevenoaks wasn't there anymore we'd meet at the spot where it once stood. We were young, we thought life would be more exciting, we craved adventure. As it turns out we had talked on the phone a few weeks before the scheduled meeting, when we met we chatted abit, not much to catch up on....not much at all. So here I am 5 years later, if we were to meet in the mall again, we probably wouldn't have much to say. No wild adventures, no exciting news, same old, same old. I'm not sure I want to settle for that. We could have crammed alot into 15yrs, but we didn't. How will I spend the next 15yrs? When I'm 39, will I have an amazing story to tell? I hope so.

question

So here's my question today - I would love to know what everyone thinks.
Years ago I had a conversation with someone who worked at camp with me, he asked why I had come to camp to work that summer and I replied that God had lead me there, he had opened doors and made it clear that I was supposed to be there. He had a different opinion (imagine, 2 christians with differing opinions, shocking really) He felt that we made our own desicions and that if we were obedient God would honour us in the path that we chose. So...which is it...does God determine our path and there is really only 2 choices, God's way or our way. Or are there many paths that are okay for us to choose from and God will be faithful if we love him, no matter which way we decide to go?

2 thoughts for the price of 1

thought #1
scott had a wow blog about death a few days ago. It was ironic how relevant that was on that day. I had had a conversation with a friend who had lost his mother a few years ago and I was telling him how I hadn't yet lost anyone really close to me. I am dreading that day. He questioned how if I was a christian and believed in the afterlife I could be sad about losing someone, shouldn't I be happy that they were in heaven and have peace knowing that I will see them again someday?
I was searching for an answer to that one, the only thing I could think of was that we are not superhumans, we are wired up with all kinds of emotions, joy, fear, pain, sorrow...... it's not wrong to feel those things. As Scott said we are stuck here on earth and we miss them, as much as we know we will see them again we are here in this reality trying to cope. We aren't super humans, I think christians forget that, we don't let ourselves feel things like pain and anger because we think it's wrong.
thought # 2
this friend has never been to church and said that he will probably never step into a church (except for the odd wedding or funeral). He wasn't too keen on the whole everyone-get-together- in-sunday-clothes-and-sing-happy-songs-together-can't-you-feel-the-love idea. This sounded like a challenge to me - apparently he's never been to New Heights!!
Here's the issue this friend is a guy and with everything going on in my life I can only imagine the rumours that would fly if he came to church. So my point is... how sad is it that I feel I can't share this exciting church with someone because my life is fish bowl and I'm more worried about what people would say than this friends chance to hear an amazing message...
Just some thoughts.

too much tv

Andrew forgot his toothpaste at his dad's, so I handed him my Crest with whitening to use instead...he looked at the tube, looked up at me and said "how many days till I get whiter teeth?". oh brother.

call display

I'm one of those people who can't handle not knowing who that missed call was from. *69 is my best friend. Unfortunelty, it's proven to be an expensive relationship.
So I went out last week and bought my first phone with call display. How I lived before this I will never know. I love being able to see who's calling before I answer (yes, I'm a screener)....it's proven to be very useful already as I've managed to dodge several calls from work.

I wonder if God has call display? "Oh, it's Carolyn again, and she's whinning........I'll just let the machine get it"

If I was God, I'd have call display.....